It’s a new year.  Little did I know last year at this time that in a year’s time I would be struggling with the emptiness and the loneliness without my dear husband. A year ago Chester and I were kind of planning that he would work one more year and then retire this up and coming spring. We were going to enjoy the rest of our lives together taking it easy and doing the things we most love to do. Maybe even trying new and different things to keep us challenged. But alas that was not meant to be. Those plans were thwarted. God had a different plan.

I know 2019 is going to be a very difficult year for me. Not only do I have to deal with the pain. I know it’s a process having dealt with the loss of mother, then my baby daughter and then my son Josh. It took a long time each time. I’m still not really over those losses. My Chester was there for me. He went through those losses with me. Now it’s him I have lost. I think losing a spouse is much worse than any other loss.

I have to deal with the practical too. All the financial and legal aspects which I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s not easy.  It’s so overwhelming. Makes me nauseous whenever I have to fill out a form. Fortunately we didn’t have any real debt just mainly the day to day monthly bills so I guess that makes it a little easier to handle but still I’ll be glad when it’s all done.

I  learned the last little while that we cannot take for anything for granted. Life is short and the time we have on this earth is but a vapor.  It’s fragile. Life can be robust one minute and then the next minute gone. We have set priorities. That’s why putting my faith not in this world but in God who promised a better life and  an eternal life in the next world is now my priority. I want to continue to get closer to the Lord spending more time in His Word and more time communing with Him.

Putting God first in my life is my main focus not only in this year but  for what ever time He has left for me in this world.