Someday We’ll Be Together

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To the Man I love;

This time of the year just finishing off Valentine’s Day, Family Day and your birthday, looking forward to spring just around the corner, I miss you like crazy still. I wished you were still here to celebrate these special days.  Alas, it’s another lonely time of the year without you. Those days are just not the same with you not being here to celebrate with. We had some good times, don’t you think?  Frankly everyday is not the same without you.

I miss you bringing me live potted mini roses,chocolate and a lovely romantic card for Valentines Day. Me giving you chocolate, a humorous card and cooking you a special meal. I write this with still so much pain in my heart. I miss your sense of humour and the silly remarks you would make. Something would remind you of some song that you would break out and sing. So much fun and laughter.

On your birthday, I miss your smile and the wisecracks with the whole family around as you blew out the candles on your birthday cake. Opening your birthday presents hoping for only a chocolate bar, it was amazing to see the expression on your face when we all surprised you with more than just a chocolate bar. You deserved more than just chocolate and you’re worth it. We all love you so much and still do.

Ah, Family Day! Most of the time it was a quiet day but I remember when the kids were small, we would sometimes take in activities that the town was hosting. I know you would especially remember the free family skating and the hot chocolate afterwards. I remember how you love skating and how the kids had so much fun. I will never forget that. Good times for sure!

Looking forward spring and taking about spring planting and what we were going put in the garden had to be the best time with you during this time of the year.  Both of us were pretty sick and tired of the long cold winter and could hardly wait til those nice spring temperatures would warm everything up. We would talk about how great it was going to be when the trees would start budding and bring the green leaves, how soon the tulips and crocuses would pop through and bring some colour to the yard, and how the cats were going to enjoy rolling around in that warm green grass again. Remember I would tell you that’s how I felt too? Cause I really did. We would look forward to not having to dress up in fifty layers to go out. You liked just going out just in your shirt sleeves. You told me how you felt free.

Good times they were for sure. I will always cherish them but you know what? Someday we will all be together again back on the New Earth and truly enjoy all those things again especially our family and friends and each other too. I’ve met so many awesome people at church I know you are going to really like to get to know and enjoy their company too.

Back on the New Earth, we will never have to spend any special day apart ever again.  We won’t ever have to spend any day apart again. It’s going to be incredible! I am really looking forward to it. Just think our family all together even grand kids and in laws, the entire family and friends for eternity celebrating all kinds of things. I can’t wait. We can plant a garden together again too. Just think about that!

The New Earth, our true home. I believe God will still give us our four seasons. He created the four seasons in the first place. I don’t see why we won’t have them then either.  I think we won’t experience the extremes in temperature though. There will be animals and perhaps even our pets. Now that’s something to really look forward to.  Remember what God said about Him making everything new?

Revelation 21:5 King James Version (KJV)

5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

Everything good will still be here, only He will eradicate everything that is evil and corrupt and clean things up for us – the way He first intended earth to be before Satan came and spoiled everything – only this time the earth is going to be much better. The best thing of all is the He is going to come down and live with us here like he promised. It is going to be awesome!

Revelation 21 King James Version (KJV)

21 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

You have it great right now. You are with our Lord and Savior right now and I rejoice knowing you are safe, happy, secure and no longer bound by sickness or disease and every trouble that life on this current earth dishes out. I still miss you like crazy and love you but I do at the same time hope and pray for day when we’ll be together again with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Can’t wait! Then will we forever celebrate!

Someday,

Your love, your Vulcan farmgirl.

Love you forever!

Christmas In Heaven

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Well Christmas is upon us once again. This whole last year has been a struggle to say the least… Trying to cope without the love of my life, trying to take care of the estate, then my Dad went on to be with the Lord, and last week the dog we had for 15 years had to be put down.  It’s sad and quiet without my dog. I still love the love of my life and miss him so much. Last Christmas my Chester had just barely moved on to heaven and I’ve had whole year to grasp and to try to understand it all.  I think I’m starting to understand but not much yet. It still hurts, especially this time of the year. We had a great time together no matter if it was shopping and getting ready for Christmas or just watching the kids and grand kids open their gifts – and of course enjoying the big feast every year.  I know however that he is having a wonderful time, especially now that my Dad I miss dearly as well, and who my Chester became very close to, has joined him in heaven to be with our Lord and Savior.

Christmas is just not the same without the two men in my life who kept me on the straight and narrow every time I would stray a little sideways. Both of them would steer me back to the centre. They have left a big gap in my life. I can only imagine how they have reunited and are spending this Christmas together.  In heaven with the one who we celebrate this time of the year, the one who descended from His throne in glory to come to this earth as a baby to sacrifice himself. The one who came to save us from our sins and the eventual judgment of hell.  What a wonderful time my love and my Dad must be having. It has to be the best Christmas ever for the both of them. I think of the angels singing praises to the Lord. It must be the most beautiful sound they have ever heard.  Looking face to face into the Son and wishing Him Happy Birthday in person has to be the most awesome experience .Also to be reunited with other loved ones who have gone home before.  It almost makes me feel envious. That’s what the birth of Jesus is all about, eventually getting to live with Him forever in heaven.

Without that glorious birth 2,000 years ago we would all be doomed. Man had fallen and the world became corrupted with sin and death but God had a plan to reconcile us back to Him. That’s why Jesus came to this earth. To give us hope.  He came so that we may live.

John 3:16 King James Version (KJV)

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

With all the gifts at Christmas, the best gift of all was when God the Father sent His Son for us. It’s a free gift. All we have to do is receive that gift, the gift of eternal life for all who believe. My husband and my Dad received that free gift that was offered to them and now both of them are able to wish Jesus Happy Birthday every Christmas, in person, forever.  Yes, I miss spending Christmas with my loved ones, but one day I also will be able to give Jesus birthday wishes along side the love of my life, and my Dad too.

Until then, Merry Christmas my love! Merry Christmas, Daddy!  I love you both!  Happy Birthday Jesus!

O Come Let Us Adore Him!

 

 

 

 

One Year Anniversary

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My Country Boy,

It’s been one year now my love, since you’ve moved on to heaven to be with the Lord. I’m sure you’re having a great time reunited with Josh, Kaitlin, your sister Barbara, your parents, my Mom, and of course (just about a month ago) Dad. I bet you and he are catching up and reminiscing about the good ole days when you two would talk about almost everything like vehicles, politics, and religion.  I remember how you used to worry about him in that nursing home. I did too. That’s one thing I always loved about you, you cared about him and Mom too. They both thought the world of you, that’s one of many reasons I knew you were the guy for me.  I miss the two men in my life who provided me with stability and security.

I still love you so much and miss you like crazy. This past year has been like a hell on earth for me without you. There are times I keep reliving those last few weeks over and over again. The pain is still raw and fresh but at the same time I’m glad you’re freed now of that pain and suffering. I hated watching you go through all that (as you would say )”hassle”.  Actually it was killing me inside. At least now you’re will never have to go through anything like that again for all eternity.

I miss your smile, your warmth, your dry sense of humour, your voice – and my goodness do I ever miss that warm touch when you hold me in your arms.  I miss our chats, especially our Saturday morning coffee chats, when we would drink our morning coffee together and just chat about almost everything frankly. I especially miss those times when the weather was nice enough to sit out on the porch and spend our quality time together flipping through flyers to see what the good deals were.  I miss going places with you, to the classic car shows, to Spock Days out at Vulcan, and the Home and Garden shows.  I miss going to the theatre to watch movies. I hate going out in public. I can’t do those things anymore, not without you. I loved watching TV with you, now I don’t enjoy it at all.  You would often listen to my country music with me that I loved. You enjoyed some of it, I could tell. I don’t listen to it much anymore. I don’t care if I listen or not. It’s not the same.

Shopping is a lonely arduous task to me now.  I do it because I have to not because I enjoy it because I don’t anymore. I loved going to the stores with you even it was just to browse. I just loved being with you no matter where we went or what we did.

I miss your very presence. Family get togethers are not the same anymore especially when it’s someone’s birthday or holidays like Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. It’s so obvious there’s an empty chair that leaves me feeling empty, lonely and full of pain. You were full of witty words and laughter, without that, the silence is deafening. The whole family notices, even the grand kids.

I’m still not finished finished all the paper work yet. I can only do bits and pieces at a time. I hate it!  It’s too overwhelming, it always triggers me. That’s one thing I’ll be glad when it’s all done.

That moment when the Lord took you home, my heart broke. I thought we had many more years together. That moment our retirement plans were shattered. My life was shattered. Suddenly the love of my life was not with me here on this earth anymore. I was left with a big gaping open wound that won’t completely heal. I don’t think it will completely heal until I see you again, my love. Only when Jesus takes me home will that happen. Our kids try and do their best but they can only do so much. They’re still hurting too. It’s been hard.

I’ve stayed close to Jesus this past year and will continue to do so.God has been faithful in comforting me. He’s given me a few dreams that has given me some reassurance and has promised me that He will restore everything that I have lost. I continually cling to that and to Him of course. He’s my only solace. I read the word and pray everyday. By the way, I pray everyday that the crew at Triple M Housing, your second family that all will be saved and join you one day in eternity. I know you want that very much and I do too. I believe at least some will be there with you .

My mind is often now on heaven and what it’s like for you and what it’s going to be like when we are reunited again. Just think you, me, and all our family finally together. I think about that a lot. I think about what it’s like in the presence of Jesus. I know it’s going to be better that what I can even imagine.  You are now a full fledged citizen of heaven.  I know right now I’m a citizen of heaven while still on this earth, but one day I will be just like you. I can’t wait.

The one thing that comforts me is knowing that you are safe and secure with Jesus and that you’re freed from all that pain suffering.  You don’t have to deal with the cares and problems of this world anymore. I bet you’re happy that you’re back to your youthful self again. That’s one problem of this fallen world we all have to deal with – aging. I don’t why anyone would want to turn down a free gift of becoming young again and living the good life forever in the most beautiful place ever. It’s beyond me. Something to hope for.  I have to reminding myself that as a believer that I have that hope that non-believers don’t have.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 King James Version (KJV)

13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.

15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.

16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

You will always be the love of my life, my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my companion. No one else will ever replace you. You’re a great husband, father, grandfather, brother,and son. I can’t wait to see your face, hear your voice, feel your embrace and laugh at your humour again.  I love you so much and always will.

Your Vulcan farmgirl

 

 

My Dad

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One month ago my Dad went home to be with his Lord and Savior.  Our God blessed him with 103 years on this earth. He was the last of his 11 siblings to go home to heaven.

He was the best Dad a girl could have. He was a farmer all his life and a mighty good one at that and I feel blessed to have had him and Mom raise me on the farm. It was the best way of life to grow up.  You learn hard work and good values that you carry with you the rest of your life.

He loved the Lord with all his heart and taught us kids to love and fear the Lord .  He made sure we were in church every Sunday unless we were sick. He was a deacon in the church for many years and was faithful and took seriously and fulfilled that role making sure it was pleasing to God in all that was required. He and Mom taught me common sense, how to think for myself, and how to be a useful citizen of society. He taught me how to read my Bible and pray.

As a little girl, quite often he would take me to town with him, which I always looked forward to. On the outskirts of town there was this little place that was open only during the spring and summer months that you could get hamburgers, fries, milkshakes, and of course, ice-cream. They had the best soft ice-cream I’ve ever eaten. It was made with fresh ingredients everyday. They didn’t use the artificial mixes that most make their soft ice-cream with today.  They filled the cones right up and the ice-cream would end up being almost three inches high. My Dad loved those cones. He had to get one every time he went to town.  So of course he would buy me one too. Those are some of the best times I had with my Dad.

Not only was he a strong man with good ethics, he was also a kind and gentle man who would give his shirt off his back to help some in need. When he gave his word he would always do his  best to keep it. He and Mom would give surplus vegetables, meat and eggs away all the time and sometimes even gasoline, we had 3 big 500 gallon fuel tanks on the farm. That’s the kind of people my parents were.

He and Chester, the love of my life, got along very well. In fact they became quite close. My husband’s parents were still in England when Chester and I had started dating, and both my parents kind of adopted him and treated him as if he was one of their sons. They had many a great conversation on many topics, mainly religion and politics.  It was awesome to see them get along so well. Now they’re chatting together again I’m sure. Shortly after my love went home, almost a year ago now, I was with my Dad at Christmas time. He was such a great comfort to me.  I sat there with him and held his hand. He could see I was grieving. He looked into my eyes and said,”What’s wrong?”  I tearfully tried to tell him the best I could that his son-in-law had gone home to be with the Lord. My Dad immediately squeezed my hand even tighter.  He was still my Dad and I was still his little girl and he let me know.  I am so thankful for that. Grieving the two most important men in my life within a little less than a year is very difficult to say the least. I’m also thankful that I got to spend some of his last hours on this earth with him.

My Dad was a good steward with everything that God had given him. He took excellent care of his livestock and his land. He recognized that all he had came from God and not himself. He was a hard worker and would spend sun up to sun down working on the farm. He loved getting that dirt under his fingernails.

He retired shortly after the Lord called Mom home. He moved to the city for a short time and found it was not compatible with him, so he bought a small acreage where he grew a huge garden and raised a few chickens. My kids were very young at the time and he would always had ice-cream Revels, or cookies, or some kind of treat on hand when any of his grandchildren would go and visit.  They all enjoyed when Grandpa would hand out his goodies.

About 12 years ago he started getting dementia and eventually had to move into a nursing home. It was hard to see his memory deteriorate but his love for the Lord never waned. His faith I think became stronger as a result and I praise God for that.

His death for me is kind of bitter sweet. Bitter in the sense that he’s left us and we miss him, but sweet in the sense that he’s finally in heaven with my Mom, the love of his life, whom he was always very close with. He’s finally with his parents and siblings who he loved and missed. He’s with my wonderful, awesome husband who I’m sure was very glad to see him. Finally he’s with his Lord and Savior who he served and trusted most of his life – now that is the best!

I am who I am in Christ as a result of what my Dad and my Mom taught me all my life.  I was always in their prayers and also in the prayers of my Grandparents. I do look forward to the day when I will see my Dad and my Mom again. It will be kind of like old times but much, much better.

I thank God for giving me such a great Dad, and Mom for that matter. I’m thankful I got to spend some of your last hours with you on this earth.  To see you in such peace just before you went home was so beautiful.  Dad, I love you, miss you, and I hope you’re having an awesome time with those you love and have missed all these years, who you are now reunited with.  I know the best thing you’ve experienced since you’ve gone home is seeing Jesus. I’m sure he’s told you, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”

See you later, Dad!

 

First Thanksgiving and Almost One Year Ago

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This is Thanksgiving in Canada and it’s the first Thanksgiving without the love of my life. And it was the day after Thanksgiving my wonderful Chester had his stroke that triggered the most traumatic time for him and me. For the following three weeks he suffered paralysis and pain. Until finding out one day what caused it then the next day he was gone.

The pain he suffered was both physical and emotional. I had never seen him like that before and it was emotionally painful for me to watch him go through all that. I was with him almost 24/7. There was no other place I wanted to be. My place was with my husband, the man whom I have been with and loved for over 40 years. It was traumatic for both of us since there was no real warning before hand, a healthy man who took care of himself all the time just the usual aches and pains that come with aging. I even go through that.

This weekend has been especially hard on me. That empty chair, and living that horrible event over and over and over again. My life has not been the same since. I miss his warmth, his reassuring voice, his dry sense of humour, his arms around me to comfort me, just his presence.  My life has been cold, empty and dark since the Lord called him home. My heart is broken and there’s nothing in the world that will mend it. It’s been a hard tough slog. Sure my kids have tried to help,especially with estate matters and such but I still struggle. The littlest things can trigger me. A song, a picture, a place, an event, a simple item of his or something he liked or didn’t like. Even thinking about certain foods can sometimes send a trigger.  I  am by no means anywhere near healing.  Actually I never really got a chance to even grieve until this summer because I had been occupied so much dealing with estate issues and there’s still more to be done on that front. I’m not done yet.  Then a personal family issue cropped up and I had to put the grieving on hold again. Then just a couple weeks ago my father of 103 years old was called home to be with the Lord, so I’ve been focused on that. I haven’t really been able to properly grieve my husband and now I’m grieving my Dad as well. (I will post about my Dad a little later.)

It’s been really painful and all I want is that pain to go away.  It’s like physical pain, only you can’t see it. It’s easier to hide, but like physical pain, all you focus on is getting relief.

Also this time of the year has been a tough time anyway. Our son Josh went home 23 years ago October 5th. My Mom 40 years ago November 20th. Chester had always been there for me every year to help get me through. We were there for each other, it was a hard time of the year for him too, he had grown close to my Mom and it was hard losing his son who he’s now with, praise God.

The only solace I have found is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and His promises to me.  That’s the only thing that keeps me from completely losing it.

As I’ve said in previous posts I know that my love is with Christ.  He’s safe and secure and free from all that pain and suffering. By the way, my Dad is with safe and secure with Jesus too. So is my Mom and my son Josh. I know my future is to one day be reunited with the man I love but also with my son and daughter who went home in January ’83, my parents and to be with my Lord and Savior. I have something to look forward to and I am thankful for that.

Since this is Thanksgiving, I give thanks to God giving me wonderful man who loved me, who was a good husband to me and accepted me for who I am. I am thankful to God for giving me my kids whom I love and cherish and don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have them, even the two who are with the Lord right now. They are precious and am looking forward to the day when all my kids are united with their Dad and I so that we will be able to enjoy happy family times together for eternity . I’m thankful to God for giving me such wonderful parents who loved me and provided for me, prayed for me, who took me to church and taught me to love and fear the Lord.  I wouldn’t be who I am today without parents like that.

I am thankful to God for sending His Son so that I can be forgiven of my sins and have everlasting life.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING MY LOVE!

I’m sure you’re having a great feast at the Master’s table.

l LOVE YOU!

Nine Months In, It’s Still Very Very Hard

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This post I am going to be brutally honest,no sugar coating. It’s been a while now since the Lord called the love of my life home. It’s nine months, Last November when out of the blue, a shock to those of us who love and cherish him that he’s been gone from us. Sometimes it still is shocking that such an active and health conscious, wonderful man has moved on to heaven just right after being diagnosed with such a devastating disease like Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  On that day, my life changed forever. We had no idea that he was that sick because he was so healthy up until three weeks before he had his stroke which was brought on by the cancer.

This has been the worst nine months of my entire life. The first few months walking around in a daze trying to take care of what needed to be done as far as his estate goes, wading through reams paper work and documents that made me feel ill every time I even looked at document and it’s still not finished. There’s more to take care of. I’ve tried to be strong trying to deal with and deal with estate issues.  It’s been excruciatingly painful, I could only handle a small amount at a time. It’s been just too overwhelming. Whenever I have to tackled this stuff seems so wrong,it shouldn’t be. Now that I’m almost done, I’ve never really had much of a chance to really grieve until now.

At first there are those who are well meaning calling offering their sympathies and condolences etc. with all kinds of kind words, prayers, advice etc They promise to keep in touch to check on how I’m doing..Then that all fades away.  No one really understands.  All of a sudden you are all alone and everyone I feel seems has forgotten about him..That’s what really hurts the most. I realize life goes on but it does make one feel alone and abandoned. Sometimes I feel like my own kids don’t have much time for me anymore  It’s hard to reach out because I feel like a third wheel and like I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s a lonely empty life.

I’ve tried to go out but that too has been excruciating painful. Chester and I went almost everywhere together. and enjoyed going out together, yes, even shopping. Everything reminds me of him and it hurts so bad.  We were a part of each other, he’s my other half and when one half is missing it’s like a ship without a rudder. It makes me feel lost and in free fall. We spent almost forty-six years together more time than I have ever spent with anyone else in my life. What can I say, it’s really, really hard. My broken heart will never be  mended on this earth. My husband made me feel safe, secure and warm just knowing he  he was around. No one can ever take his place.  It’s gone.

I constantly think of him and miss him very, very much. He was my love, my confidant, my best friend, my protector.   I cry everyday. Some days I can’t even function. I don’t sleep at all at night. I finally fall asleep in very early hours of the morning and then only maybe a couple hours.  I doubt that my pain will ever really go away on this earth. I am comforted though by the fact that my love is safe with the Lord and that the Lord spared him of months maybe even years of suffering. I know my love is happy and content being home in heaven. I know I will be with him again. It doesn’t take away from the fact that’s it’s still an extremely hard and empty existence without him right now.

Losing someone who you deeply love, I shouldn’t say losing, he’s not lost, I know where he is. Being separated is what’s extremely, extremely hard. Most times you wonder how you can go on. Seeking the Lord and reading my Bible – about my blessed hope – is my only solace.   All I can say God is all I have. If I didn’t have God, I honestly don’t know what I would do.  I dream of that day when God calls me home or when Jesus comes in the clouds to gets those of us who believe and love Him. I long for that day. Even though it’s really hard I have to remember that what I’m going through right now is temporary and that I will one day be with the man I love and my God and it will be for eternity.  Through the pain it is hard to remember that because the here and now, it seems time goes excruciatingly slow but in reality it won’t be really that long til that day comes. I guess for now I have to muddle through leaning on my Lord and Savior cause I don’t know what else to do.

 

Dreams

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The last  months since my husband has gone on to heaven I haven’t been able to really sleep well. I”m only able to sleep very little at a time.  When I have been able to sleep I have had several dreams that I just can’t forget that I want to share. I will share each dream as a each a separate post. I believe one of the ways God speaks to us is through dreams. I believe those dreams I had were from God.

Job 33:14-18 King James Version (KJV)

14 For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not.

15 In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed;

16 Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction,

17 That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.

18 He keepeth back his soul from the pit, and his life from perishing by the sword.

 

Acts 2:17 King James Version (KJV)

17 And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:

The first dream that I want to share was about three months ago.  In that dream  it was after work and my husband who is now with the Lord jumped into his car. His car a small car, a Chevy Cobalt (that’s the car he always drove to work everyday). His work buddies followed him and piled into the car with him.  The car was chucked full. It seemed like all my husbands friends were sitting on top of each other.

There was the young guy, who because the car was so full, kept falling out – and one of the other guys hung on to him but he kept slipping out like there wasn’t quite enough room for him – but the other guy gave him a big yank and finally pulled him in and closed the car door. They then took off with my husband at the wheel driving slowly pulling out of the work parking lot. They were obviously going somewhere with him.  I did not know where. That was the end of that dream.

I knew that dream meant something but I didn’t know what. I wrestled with it in my mind and finally took it to God and asked him if that dream came from Him, and what if anything did it mean. At first you wonder – did this come from God? Was it just something I ate? Or something else?

Here’s what I believe. It was actually God who gave me that dream and here’s what I believe it means;. I have been praying that my husband Chester’s work friends whom he called his “second family,” to make sure that they and their families all know Jesus so that they can all join him in heaven. I believe that dream means that they will be joining Chester one day. He will take them with him. As far as the young guy I saw struggling to get into the car, I believe that he perhaps was struggling with making a decision to believe in Jesus and the other guy that I saw finally yanking him in perhaps was able to help him make his decision.

Chester cared and love those guys so much. When he’d come home from work he would always talk about them in the most caring way. Never did he utter a negative word about any of them, nor about anyone who worked at the company, including management. The feeling was mutual. They as well loved and cared about him. That’s why he referred to them as his “second family.”  It’s something you just don’t see very often in the workplace.

I believe since Chester has been home with our Lord and Savior he’s had a couple of conversations about his work buddies. I know he hasn’t forgotten them and in honour of my wonderful husband, I will never forget them either. I will fervently pray for them and their families until the moment the Lord grants me my last breath and calls me home too.

It’s actually quite simple to make sure you go to heaven. All you have to do is believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Acts 16:31 King James Version (KJV)

31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

 

Acts 2:21 King James Version (KJV)

21 And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.

 

Ephesians 2:8-9 King James Version (KJV)

8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

 

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In Loving Memory of My Husband On Our Anniversary

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To My Loving Husband,Chester who is in Heaven on our anniversary:

Today was tough, really tough. My heart is aching so much for you. So much of the day I’ve spent in tears missing you like crazy. I tried to keep myself busy to ease the pain a bit but to no avail. Nothing seems to help.

Today is our wedding anniversary. The day that we made a covenant to each other and God that we would love and take care of each other for all time.  We were young and so much  in love. We had the whole world ahead of us. We were so full of energy and hope for our new lives together. With stars in our eyes, we thought nothing could stop us. We were the couple who was going to live our fairy tale lives. We were happy.

Of  course we finally had to come down to reality and face the real world. It wasn’t all bliss.  Everyday mundane life, the bills, taking out the garbage, taking care of the house, doing laundry etc You waking up seeing me without my makeup on and my hair a mess and then dealing with me and my monthly cycle  mood swings you could never understand. Then there was me dealing with you leaving your dirty socks all over the place and not seeming to care. Ah yes, and leaving the toilet seat up. All those annoying petty little things that seemed to get under each other’s skin.

Then of course children came. You worked so hard to put clothes on their backs and food on the table for them. I remember you saying that when you have kids,that we were going through money like it was water running out of the tap but admitted they were worth it.

We did go through some tough times when  our second daughter was still born and then when Josh was born with that rare heart defect and later lost him too. It put a strain on our marriage but we stuck it out. We made it through.  We each grieved differently but the great thing now that does give me a little bit of comfort is that you are with those two kids now in heaven and I’m sure they really love their Dad being there.

Do I have any regrets?  If I had to do over again I would still marry you. The only thing I regret is taking you for granted sometimes and not showing you how much I appreciate having you as a part of my life.

God put us together. He put us together for a reason. We had our ups and downs but over all we are good together. We ended up becoming best friends, lovers, confidants, soul mates and husband and wife.   I am so thankful to God for blessing me with you as my husband for so many years here and I look forward to spending  eternity with you and my Saviour Jesus Christ. We are going to have so many spectacular times together with each other, our family and of course with God.

You are my one and only and always will be the man that I love.  Thank you for loving me back and taking good care of me and our kids.

Your precious loving wife,

P.S.  Love you. See you in heaven

 

 

 

My First Mother’s Day Without The Father of My Children

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It’s the first Mother’s Day without my wonderful husband, the love of my life, the father of my children, Chester.  It’s another hard first and yes it’s painful, very painful because without my Chester I wouldn’t be the Mother to those great kids, and  Mama2 to those beautiful grand kids I have. Man I miss him. All those firsts without him, so empty, so lonely.  Life is not the same without him at my side. I feel very blessed to such great kids and to have had such wonderful husband.

He was great. Every Mother’s Day he would give me potted flowers usually Mums, some awesome dark chocolate, either a new pair of garden gloves or a new gardening tool that I was in need of.  I’ve always loved gardening and actually so did he. He also loved chocolate, the dark kind too. He also had a wonderful sense of humor and he’d usually give me a humorous card that usually depicted a bit of truth in it that he would sign, To Farmgirl, From Country Boy in which I always thought as kind of endearing. He usually signed the cards he gave me with that signature.

Also for Mother’s Day he would always take me to a garden center that he knew I loved the ambience of.  He didn’t mind visiting the garden centers himself. He found the atmosphere pleasant as well.  I miss all of that and will always have fond memories of those times.

I know Mother’s Day will never be the same just as when I lost my Mother. Since God called her home, it’s always been hard when Mother’s Day would roll around..  The whole family always had a wonderful time giving her, her gifts and making or taking her out for dinner. Watching her glow as she would receive those gifts from us kids and Dad. The joy on her face gave me joy.

My Chester was there for me every step of the way when we lost her. He was my rock. A strong shoulder to cry on when I needed it. He comforted me without having to say a word. He would just hold me in his arms, seems like it was just what the doctor ordered. He loved her too. He grew close to her. She took care of him, mothering him while his own Mom was still  back in England at the time.  Now he’s in heaven spending his first Mother’s Day with her and his own Mom too. I would think it must be great to be with both Moms like that in the most wonderful place ever.  I can’t wait to spend ever Mother’s Day for eternity with both Mom’s, my own Mom and  my Mother-in-law. both my kids that are in Heaven.  Even my Grandmothers. What a joy to spend those special days as my husband I will be reunited spending time with our Moms together.  Actually everyday with our Moms will be like Mother’s Day, Christmas and Birthdays all wrapped up into one.

It’s hard.It’s not easy. It hurts that I don’t have the love of my life here with me this year to spend Mother’s Day with me. It’s painful but I will remember all those Mother’s Days he did spend with me and I will cherish them forever. Those memories are tucked away in my heart and until the day God calls me home, I can pull them out fondly remember those sweet special times and look forward to when I am again with my wonderful husband, , Mother, Mother-in-law, Grandmothers and all those other loved ones I miss so much. We will forever be able to enjoy each other so much more.  I’m looking forward to a big party.

For now I rely on God to keep me under His wings every minute of everyday to get me through pain and sadness.

I feel very blessed and thank God for such great kids,grand kids and to have had given me such a wonderful husband who treated me with love, honour and respect.

I thank God for my Mom,my Mother-in-law and my Grandmothers. I thank Him for the opportunity of being a Mom myself and a Momma 2/grandma.

I am so honoured, my beloved Chester, to be the Mother of your children and grandmother of your grand kids! I love you so much!

I wish all Moms out there a very Blessed Mother’s Day.

 

 

How Jesus’s Suffering Helps Our Sufferings

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As I’ve been going through my suffering the last few months losing my wonderful love of my life, my beloved husband, it’s been excruciating painful most times, leaving a big black empty dark hole in my heart. I haven’t been able to eat properly or sleep properly.I’ve been sick a lot.  I still feel mentally, emotionally, and physically drained most the time. Its  a wound that seems like it just won’t heal. Just as you think it’s starting to heal, the scab peels off and that wound is like it’s fresh and raw again and you feel that agony once more but really this is nothing compared to what Jesus Christ went through for us. He went through worse pain and suffering than any of us will ever go through. His suffering can actually help our suffering.

This week is Holy Week leading up to Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday when Jesus Christ was crucified and then was resurrected  the third day. We think of how He suffered before and during the time when He was nailed to that cross. The Bible says He was hated and rejected by men. He was beaten and spat upon and bled and died. He went through all of that for us to take away our sin. He did this  because of His love for us.

 

 

Romans 5:8 King James Version (KJV)

8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Isaiah 53 King James Version (KJV)

53 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?

2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.

3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.

8 He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.

9 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Please take the time to watch this video and ponder the pain and suffering Jesus most likely experienced.  As you can tell, it was no picnic.

 

I don’t mean to down play but we all go through various forms of pain and suffering in our lifetime but really I believe if we take a close look at our sufferings and remember what Christ had endured for us I believe with His love and His grace He has for us, we can make it through what ever we are going through if we put our trust in Him. I know for the last few months I have had to trust Him day by day to meet my needs for that day and He has been faithful and has come through for me. Like I’ve been saying my pain and suffering hasn’t been it  a cake walk but  remembering what He has done for us by suffering all that pain and anguish mine is nothing in comparison. Whatever pain and suffering,or persecution I may have to go through, I know in the end it will have been worth it all.

He bled and died for us. He came as a man, knew no sin and yet He was the sacrificial lamb who paid the price for our sins so that we don’t have to.  Only through Him do we have hope. Without Him we have no hope.  If we believe in Him, He promises that He will come again to get us and we will live in heaven with Him forever.

John 3:16 King James Version (KJV)

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

2 Corinthians 5:8 King James Version (KJV)

8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

So the next few days please let’s take time from our own pain and sufferings to reflect and remember the pain and suffering Christ had gone through for us. The good news is that  He is alive today and is sitting at the right hand of the Father waiting for us to accept Him as Lord of our life and He wants to help us to go through whatever hardship we are suffering.  He hasn’t promised us a life free of trials and tribulations but He does truly love us does want to help. He knows our pain. He sympathizes with us. We just need to call on Him. He’s helping me and He’ll help you too. .Whatever pain and suffering,or persecution  I have to endure, I’m in good hands, it won’t last forever, it’s only temporary and in the end it will have been worth it all. One day I will receive my reward of seeing my Savior face to face and living with Him in paradise for eternity plus I will be reunited with my beloved husband and the rest of my loved ones as well.

I am truly grateful for what He has done for me.