The first couple weeks after Chester went home to be with the Lord,I felt numb and in shock. Disbelief. I hardly cried. Now it’s finally sinking in he’s gone.  It’s hitting me and it’s hitting me hard. I feel like I’m trapped in a box with no air, I can’t breathe and I’ll never get out.  I can’t stop crying now.  There’s a hole in my heart and I don’t know if it’ll ever be healed in this world.

I hate what’s going on now. It’s feels like a prison and I’m a prisoner with a life sentence and no chance of parole. I understand how Chester felt when he was in the hospital when he compared it to being in prison.

Having to live without him and going through this pain is like a prison. I feel bound by the heartache and the pain. I’ve been told to be strong for my kids and grand kids.  I can’t do it anymore. I am not strong. I feel sick, incredibly lonely and overwhelmed. I want to be with him so badly. I love him and miss him so much. You know the saying “stop the world and let me off.”  That’s exactly how I feel right now.

How much longer must I endure? I want Jesus to come back so badly I can taste it cause I know I will be reunited with the man I love then. I want Jesus to come back now. I want see his face, to hear his voice, to feel his touch. I want to see my husband’s face, hear his voice and feel his touch. It’ll be then when this pain will go away and Jesus will wipe away my tears and I’ll never have to say goodbye again.  I hate having to wait but I must and that sucks.