What can I say? Today was an extremely bad day. You would think that my post from the other day about my dream I would be on the up swing but not today. I woke up with an unset stomach and aching in my heart. It’s been really hard to hold back my emotions. I haven’t been able to eat all day. The only reason I eat these days is so that my family doesn’t get mad and hound me. Even then I don’t eat much. I don’t get hungry. Food hasn’t even been on the radar.

I miss Chester like crazy. Tonight is the Santa Clause parade in High River where a year ago Chester and I along with our sons met Tiffany and the girls to watch the parade and get in on the festivities. It was a great time. The lights, all the music, the floats going by and at the end  my husband and I watching  Abigail and Esther’s eyes beaming as the big guy himself arrived. It was beautiful.

Not this year. Not tonight. The kids are going again tonight but I won’t be going.  Too many triggers that’s causing gut wrenching pain. My Chester won’t be there.Without him there how could I possibly enjoy it?  I won’t be able to take it. Every thing is still too fresh. It would be like rubbing salt into a fresh wound that hasn’t even begun to heal.

I hate what I’m going through. I just want the pain to stop. Why won’t it go away?