Set Free From Worldly Cares

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The other day I was paying the natural gas bill and I noticed just the carbon tax alone was exorbitant. I thought to myself this is the kind of thing Chester hates and would always complain about. Then I thought at least he doesn’t have to put up with that kind thing anymore. He’s free from all of that. I have to admit I felt a little envious. I still  have to deal with the bills, and taxes and stuff like that.

He’s free from  lying politicians and corrupt government who everyday infringes on our rights and freedoms and forcefully grabs our money in the form of taxes and fees etc. It seems to get worse and worse each day. He doesn’t have to listen the deceitful media who feed the masses propaganda.

He’s free from watching all the violence, all the pain and suffering that is occurring and all the evil that goes on in the world and it keeps waxing worse all the time. He hates evil. This world it seems is going to hell in a hand basket and it’s not going to change for the better. It will keep getting worse until Jesus comes back.

He’s free from all the sickness and disease and will never again suffer. He will never again go through any pain, or discomfort physically, mentally or emotionally.  He doesn’t have to worry about the weather or all those little things that bog us down on this earth. He’s safe, happy, healthy, and doesn’t have to worry about anything. He’s with Jesus. He left all those worldly cares behind.

Yes it does make me a little envious. I want to be there so badly too. I want to be free as well. It makes feel a little homesick for heaven, my real home. Right now I have one foot there and one foot here.  I will get there but I know not right now. There are too many souls who are lost and suffering that I know God wants me to help.

The time here on this earth till we believers get to go home seems so long but overall our time here is very short, but a vapor compared to eternity. Even one day for me seems like a long time but really it won’t be that long til Jesus comes back to take us all home.

God is loving, patient, merciful and gracious and He wants as many as possible to be with Him but it’s up to us to make that choice.

Joshua 24:15 King James Version (KJV)

15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

One day I won’t have to be envious anymore because I choose to  be free of all of these headaches this world brings like Chester did. I too will be leaving all the cares of this world behind.  I will be right there with my Chester and all our family enjoying eternity with the Lord.

We both have chosen Jesus because He is the only one who actually promises to provide us a better life after this one. And it’s only through Him that we can be set free from this world and spend eternity in heaven with Him.

John 14:6 King James Version (KJV)

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

 

Setting Sights Above

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Since my husband, the love of my life, Chester has gone home to be with the Lord, I’ve been thinking more and more about heaven. I did the same thing right after our son Josh was called home but it waned after awhile. Our other children were still quite young at the time and they had to be looked after so I couldn’t spend too much with my head in the “clouds” so it waned after a while.

The other kids are grown now. I don’t have many other distractions so I spend a lot of my time thinking about and learning about heaven and the end times. I feel more motivated now  I think, because my husband and two of our kids are there right now and wonder what it’s like and what they’re doing. I most definitely want to be reunited them and have our whole family together more than anything. Above all I want to spend eternity with God.

Heaven, what a great place. We don’t have to put with all the pain,suffering and corruption of this world. A place of peace, joy, complete love. No war or poverty. It’s a place where there is no sickness or disease, not even any hearing aids or glasses. No wheel chairs or walkers. It’s a wonderful place. It’s a place where there is no tears except for joy. No sorrow, no sadness or depression and definitely it’s place where there will be no more death. We never going have to say good bye to a loved one because they died.

Chester is there right now. He couldn’t be in a better place. Better than on this earth especially the way it is right now and it’s not getting any better.  He’s safe, he’s happy, he’s completely whole physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I’m sure he’s experiencing all kinds of wonderful things we could only dream of here. I could only imagine.

He’s in heaven because he believed that Jesus is the Son of God who loves us so much He came to earth as a man, suffered and died on the cross for our sins, and rose again on the third day and is now sitting on the right hand of the Father in heaven. He believed that  one day Jesus is coming back to get all those believers who are still alive so that we can all live and  reign with Christ for all eternity. He believed that Jesus is the only way to get to heaven.

I believe the same as Chester because that’s what my Bible tells me.  I will one day be with Jesus and I believe both Chester and I will spend forever with our whole family. What a great time that is going to be! Can’t wait!

So yeah I’m setting my sights above knowing that while still on this earth I have work that God still has for me to do.

John 3:16 King James Version (KJV)

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Taking Things For Granted

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Never in a million years did I ever think I would find myself without the love of my life at this point in my life or that he a very health conscious guy would ever suffer a stroke and go home to be with the Lord as a result of pancreatic cancer.  I thought we had a couple more decades to spend together at least.  I took Chester and our life together for granted. I have since learned things can change in an instant. There are no guarantees.

When I examine I all the  time wasted arguing about petty little things,was it worth it? NO! Time I spent centered on myself when I could have spent with my husband. It was so selfish! It was actually wasted time. It would have meant more precious time with him that I can’t spend now.  I wish I had a time machine that I could go back and redo it but I can’t.

He worked so hard for so many years. Sacrificed so much for our family and I didn’t really see it or really appreciate it until now.  I could have been a better wife but I can’t change it. I have to live with it.  I can’t make it up to him, not in this life.

I did spend all of the last three weeks of his life on this earth with him when he was in the hospital. I was at the hospital day and night except to go have shower and a change of clothes. I would go and get a bite to eat, I would try and be as quick as I could because I wanted to be with him. There was no other place I would have rather been.  I wanted to be there. I love and care about him and worried about him.  I was at his side basically all the time. I don’t know if that makes up for all those times before but I had to be with him.

You know it’s just like a line in the song “Big Yellow Taxi”

Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone.

That line is so true.  You really don’t know what you got til it’s gone that’s why since Chester went home. I have such a sense of regret and I’ve been trying to advise couples to cherish and appreciate each other every second they have together even when they fight and argue because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Everything can change in an instant.

God joined us together and I am grateful to God for the time I did have with him on this earth.  I look forward to at the same time being reunited with him one day. It’ll be better.  We will spend eternity together.  I know I won’t take him for granted then. We will both be with our Savior and it’ll be wonderful. No more wasted time!

I still have my kids and grand kids and am trying  not to take for granted the time I currently have with them because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

 

 

 

 

 

Live Everyday As Though It Were Your Last

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Going through this most painful time in my life losing the love of my life, I’ve learned a few things.

  1. I’ve learned that this life is fragile.  It can be robust one minute, the next minute it can be gone.

    Psalm 39:4 King James Version (KJV)

    4 Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is: that I may know how frail I am.

  2. Nothing on this earth is certain. Even though we might live a clean healthy, active  life, there things beyond our control. Nothing on this earth is certain.We may still be stricken with sickness and disease
  3. Cherish each moment with your loved ones even when you have quarrels and disagreements. God could call them home at a moments notice.
  4. To live each as though it were your last. My mother always told us that. She was wise and because we never know when we will breathe our last breath. Only God knows

    James 4:13-15 King James Version (KJV)

    13 Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:

    14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

    15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.

  5. To prepare ourselves for the next life when God calls us. If we want to spend eternity in heaven with Him we need to make sure our names are written in the Lamb’s book of Life. It’s simply to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. He loves us so much that He died to take away our sins so that we live with Him in eternity forever.  It’s a gift and it’s free.

    John 3:16 King James Version (KJV)

    16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

    Acts 16:31 King James Version (KJV)

    31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

  6. Trust God no matter what. I have grown closer to God now more than I have ever been. Because I know my Chester is with Him and is safe and secure and that I know because I believe Jesus Christ as my personal savior, I know I will one day be reunited with my husband and my two kids that went to be with Jesus years ago,one day. I have that hope and that’s what I lean on. Jesus gives me comfort. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have that hope. He has promised me He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 King James Version (KJV)

  1. 6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Hebrews 13:5 King James Version (KJV)

  1. 5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

 

 

 

Beautiful Dream

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Last night before I went to sleep during my nightly prayer, I asked God about my husband where he was, what he was doing etc. Then what I believe was God sent, a beautiful dream with my husband and our precious daughter that we lost during her birth many years ago.

Our beautiful daughter heard that her Dad was arriving in heaven filled with anticipation she excitedly got herself ready to greet him. She looked so beautiful. She put on a gorgeous white dress with a gold belt around the waist. She did her medium to dark brown shiny silk hair so that it flowed down her shoulders.

She was so happy to finally see her Dad who she really never got to meet. She took him into her mansion that had so much what we would call natural light that it made the walls glow. Light much brighter than we have here. He sat down on the really nice white sofa she had and served him some snacks. She knew he enjoyed his snacks here. What she served him was what I would call “manna”  It was tiny little white pieces that looked like it was something between a fluffy white bread and popcorn.  She informed him that our son Josh who was already in heaven, was on his way and was dropping by.

She asked him to update her on me her Mom, her brothers, Dean and Justin, and her sister Tiffany and her family.  She said to him, “Tell me about Mom. Tell me about Dean. Tell me about Justin, Tell me about Tiffany and her family.”

Then that was all I saw. I don’t know if the dream was some kind of confirmation from God my husband is really in heaven and that all is well or that it’s just a dream. I know God can speak through dreams so I don’t know.  Was it a little glimpse of what’s going on up there?

That dream was rather comforting nonetheless.

 

 

 

 

Priority for This Year

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It’s a new year.  Little did I know last year at this time that in a year’s time I would be struggling with the emptiness and the loneliness without my dear husband. A year ago Chester and I were kind of planning that he would work one more year and then retire this up and coming spring. We were going to enjoy the rest of our lives together taking it easy and doing the things we most love to do. Maybe even trying new and different things to keep us challenged. But alas that was not meant to be. Those plans were thwarted. God had a different plan.

I know 2019 is going to be a very difficult year for me. Not only do I have to deal with the pain. I know it’s a process having dealt with the loss of mother, then my baby daughter and then my son Josh. It took a long time each time. I’m still not really over those losses. My Chester was there for me. He went through those losses with me. Now it’s him I have lost. I think losing a spouse is much worse than any other loss.

I have to deal with the practical too. All the financial and legal aspects which I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s not easy.  It’s so overwhelming. Makes me nauseous whenever I have to fill out a form. Fortunately we didn’t have any real debt just mainly the day to day monthly bills so I guess that makes it a little easier to handle but still I’ll be glad when it’s all done.

I  learned the last little while that we cannot take for anything for granted. Life is short and the time we have on this earth is but a vapor.  It’s fragile. Life can be robust one minute and then the next minute gone. We have set priorities. That’s why putting my faith not in this world but in God who promised a better life and  an eternal life in the next world is now my priority. I want to continue to get closer to the Lord spending more time in His Word and more time communing with Him.

Putting God first in my life is my main focus not only in this year but  for what ever time He has left for me in this world.

Matthew 6:19-21 King James Version (KJV)

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

 

Proverbs 3:6 King James Version (KJV)

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 

 

Counting the Blessings

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It’s been told to me starting with my parents many years ago there’s a reason for everything. Most recently with the passing of the love of my life,Chester, there are those who have said that there is a reason why this happened. That God took him for a reason and to look for the positives or the blessings in all of this. There are blessings in this? How can that be? The man that I had been with for 45 years who I deeply love suffers a stroke, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is gone all withing 3 weeks. There is certainly nothing positive about that at all.

I began thinking OK, is there anything blessing through this? I actually did come up with a few.

1. Chester is at home in heaven with Jesus. No better place to be, in presence of of our loving savior. He is safe and secure for all of eternity.

2. He didn’t  have to suffer for months or years going through tests, procedures, etc. from one of the worst forms of cancer.  He hated hassle.

3. Jesus came and broke him out of that prison of not being independent the way he had been used to,the pain and discomfort, and just being in the hospital he described as a prison and he was a prisoner.

4. He’s now with our son and daughter who have been in heaven and hasn’t seen for a long time.  They now have their Dad who they hadn’t really spent much time with on earth.  That gives me some comfort. They at least have one of their parents for now.

5. He’s with his parents and sister. A wonderful family reunion to catch up on some things.

6.  He’s with my mom whom he adored and she thought of him like one of her biological sons.

7. He doesn’t have to go through any more pain or suffering anymore. He is completely healed and made whole.

8. He doesn’t have to put up with this corrupt world anymore. It’s literally going to hell in a hand basket. Evil is waxing worse and worse all the time and the worst is yet to come. Chester hates evil and didn’t like where the world was headed.

9. There is the hope I lean on that both he and I will be reunited one day and I will once again be able to tell him how much I love him.

10. The hope that our whole family will be together and spend many,many many wonderful times with Jesus and the angels in heaven for eternity.

11. Chester and I produced some wonderful kids. They have been taking good care of me. They are truly a blessing along with the grand kids. Don’t know what I would without them.

12. My brothers have been such a great support anytime I need them. I am grateful for them and their families. I love them all.

11. The hope of no more tears,sorrow, heartache, sickness, disease or death forever.  There’s nothing like that in heaven.

When I really think about it going through the pain and heartache and the loneliness, there are truly some blessings. God in His infinite wisdom, His unconditional love and mercy saw fit to spare my Chester from worse suffering and pain from the most horrendous form of cancer, pancreatic cancer. He saw fit to spare myself and my kids from watching my beloved husband go through that terrible suffering and pain that accompanies that horrible disease. Chester hated what little pain he had gone through, so he would have hated months and years of suffering like that even more. Going through tests,and procedures and who knows what.  He also would not have wanted me nor the kids to watching him suffer. He would have hated that too.

I don’t think God wanted it either so God showed mercy, knew Chester hated hassle and relieved him from it.

Does this make my pain go away?  No not really. I won’t ever be completely healed of this pain until I see my husband again and I am in the arms of Jesus. But at least it gives me a bit of comfort and hope as I struggle through.

My Support System

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This Christmas season, the first since my Chester is gone has been proven to be the loneliest,emptiest, the most heartbreaking one I have ever spent.  It’s just not the same. It’s the time of year when you spend the most joyous times with the ones who are closest to you, full of fun, laughter, and full of love.  When you spend 45 Christmases together with the love of your life then they’re gone, all that’s left is an empty hole and nothing can really fill it because everything reminds you of the good times and it triggers you.

I was so tempted to go and hide under a rock and spend the season by myself afraid of spoiling it for everyone else but my kids made me spend it with them. I had to remember they lost their Dad and they’re grieving too. We spent it at my daughter’s place. It was tough but we got through it supporting each other.  The grand kids help too. They miss their Papa 2 but everyone tried to make it as normal as possible for them.

I also have 3 wonderful brothers who have been there for me and we had a Christmas dinner at the nursing home that both my Dad who will be 103 years old next May, and my sister in law are being cared for on Sunday. It turned out better than I thought.Only 2 of my brothers showed up. One couldn’t make because his son was in the hospital and he had to tend to him. I totally get that. He’s been a tremendous help to me. He knows what it’s like to lose the love of your life. He lost his wife a couple years ago as a result of cancer. So he’s gone through it too. He’s also the one who got Chester and I together.

My dad has dementia and doesn’t remember or understand much anymore but he was a great support for me none the less. I held his hand and talked with him for most of the time I was there. I told him how much I love him and how he has always been a good Dad. That he raised me to be the person that I am today teaching me right from wrong and  he and Mom making sure I went to church etc. I was so emotional, he sensed something was going on with me. Out of the blue he turned his head, looked me straight in the eyes and said to me,”What’s wrong?” So I told him the best I knew how that his son-in-law who he thought the world of, was in heaven with Mom. He then squeezed my hand even harder than he already had been. I believe he understood and was trying to comfort the best way he knew how. That meant the world to me.

The one I rely on the most is my Jesus. I ask Him every morning to get me through another day. He’s been there when I wake up in the middle of the night cold and lonely and I need someone to talk to.  I trust Him to guide me as to what do I do next without my husband.

Until that day I am reunited with my husband,I have to find a way to go on. Yeah everyone has been great but it’s still not the same.  No my life on this earth will never be the same again.

John 14:18-20 King James Version (KJV)

18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

20 At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

Hebrews 13:5 King James Version (KJV)

5  :for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

 

First Christmas In Heaven

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This is your first Christmas in heaven my love and I bet you’re having a glorious time looking into the face of Jesus and wishing him Happy Birthday. It must be awesome! The best gift to mankind ever.  And listening to the angelic choir singing “Glory to God in the highest.” Now that has to be beautiful to hear that. I can’t wait to see my Jesus face to face and greet Him and to listen to the angelic choir.  Actually makes me feel a bit jealous and homesick for heaven but I’ll get my chance yet when God calls me.

In the mean time it comforts me that you’re spending this Christmas with Josh and our baby girl. I bet they’re both thrilled to have their Dad with them this year. We do miss you here though. We miss your warm presence and your laughter. We miss watching you enjoying your Christmas dinner and all those treats and goodies. We miss your humor when you’re opening your gifts saying all you wanted was socks and chocolate. The kids miss you, your grand kids miss you, and most of all I miss you so much. I wish you were here. This Christmas is so lonely and empty without you but at least it gives comfort that you’re spending this holiday with our other two kids and of course Jesus Christ Himself.

Even though my heart aches for you,I can only imagine the wonderful Christmas you’re having. I look forward to the day when our whole family can spend Christmases together at home with our Lord and Savior listening to that angelic choir singing beautiful tunes. It’s going to be much better than those Christmases we spent together here on earth.  It’s going be great time!  Can’t wait!

“My First Christmas in Heaven”

I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away. We really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear,
and be glad I’m spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of, my undying love.
After all “LOVE” is the gift, more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can’t count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear,
Remember, I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

~~Author Unknown

Merry Christmas From Heaven   

by John W. Mooney, Jr.
I still hear the songs,
I still see the lights,
I still feel your love
On cold wintery nights,
I still share your hopes
And all your cares
I’ll even remind you
To please say your prayers.
I just want to tell you
You still make me proud.
You stand head and shoulders
Above all the crowd.
Keep trying each moment
To stay in His grace
I came here before you
To help set your place.
You don’t have to be
Perfect all the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue to climb.
To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I’m still close beside you
In a new special way.
I love you all dearly
Now don’t shed a tear
Cause I’m spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year.

What We Would Be Doing

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As I have said on a previous post Chester loved Christmas and I loved spending it with him. Now just a few days out from actual Christmas day, both Chester and I would be enjoying the season chatting together sipping on our coffee and eating shortbread and gingerbread that I had freshly baked wondering if we had gotten enough gifts for everyone or if there’s anything else we need to get. He loved shortbread. That’s what he would grab  first and quickly gobble it down.. It was the shortbread that would always disappear first.

We usually decided that we needed to pick up at least a couple more items just make  sure. So we’d go out and frantically do our last last minute shopping. Chester always determined we needed more a little food and goodies so he would bring home way more than we would consume. That’s one thing, he always made sure there was always plenty in the house to eat. So much so sometimes I had to tell him we have enough, no more. I would send him to the grocery store to pick up two items, he’d come home with fifty.

Every year I would designate him to wrap gifts, he was better at it than I am. He didn’t seem to mind. Me, I hate wrapping. Instead I would write the tags. He said I was better at that. So that’s how we did things.

He was great helping around the house getting things done. I would always panic wanting that perfect Christmas but he would always tell me just to relax and not to worry  it doesn’t matter. What gets done, gets done. What doesn’t, doesn’t.

There were the classic Christmas movies he enjoyed like Charlie Brown Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life, Mr. Bean  and of course his favorite,Scrooge. The fifties black and white version with Alistair Sims.

I’m really feeling empty and missing doing all of that with him. We were a  team. Christmas happened. Not perfect but it happened and it was highly enjoyable. It was enjoyable because we were together with the family and that’s the most important part. I cherish all those wonderful Christmases and always will but this year it’s without him and it’s killing me inside. Christmas will never be the same again for me on this earth; anyway.

A Christmas song Chester enjoyed  listening to by Johnny Reid

Here is another song Chester liked