What is Heaven Like?

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Have you ever wondered what heaven is like? Since my beloved husband went home to be with the Lord, my mind has been heavenward a lot of the time. I often wonder what my Chester could be doing? With our two kids and other loved ones who God has called home. How does it feel for him to be in the presence of God?

Has he met any of the people in the Bible that he had read and heard about, like the Apostle Paul, Moses, Elijah, King David,or Queen Esther? How about hanging out with Jesus Christ Himself? How awesome is that? How about being reunited with your loved ones who believe in Jesus? All this sounds glorious and it will be.

The great Apostle Paul had an out of body experience or a vision of heaven and  didn’t have the words to describe it, it was so awesome.

2 Corinthians 12:1-4 King James Version (KJV)

12 It is not expedient for me doubtless to glory. I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord.

2 I knew a man in Christ above fourteen years ago, (whether in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) such an one caught up to the third heaven.

3 And I knew such a man, (whether in the body, or out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;)

4 How that he was caught up into paradise, and heard unspeakable words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter.

Heaven is a real place, even more real that this present earth. Heaven is a wonderful place where there is no pain, or sickness and disease. There is no sorrow or sadness. There is no war, crime or violence. The Bible says that God will wipe away our tears.  We will never have to say goodbye to our loved ones because there is no death.

Revelation 21:4 King James Version (KJV)

4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

God lives there,that’s where His throne is. Jesus God’s Son sits on the right side of the Father.

God has prepared for us mansions there.

John 14:2 King James Version (KJV)

2 In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

The streets are made of gold and there are beautiful  precious stones. There are twelve gates made of pearls.  It’s also like a huge city about 1500 hundred miles square. Now that’s a huge city!

Revelation 21 King James Version (KJV)

21 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.

7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

9 And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me, saying, Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb’s wife.

10 And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God,

11 Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal;

12 And had a wall great and high, and had twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and names written thereon, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel:

13 On the east three gates; on the north three gates; on the south three gates; and on the west three gates.

14 And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and in them the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

15 And he that talked with me had a golden reed to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof.

16 And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal.

17 And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel.

18 And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass.

19 And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald;

20 The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolyte; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst.

21 And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

22 And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it.

23 And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.

24 And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it.

25 And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there.

26 And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it.

It’s a place if you want to go there after this life is over, your name must be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.  In other words the way to make sure that your name is written in that book is that  you must believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Revelation 21:27 King James Version (KJV)

27 And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb’s book of life.

Acts 16:31 King James Version (KJV)

31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

Heaven is a place I want to go, how about you? I’ll be there.  On this earth I am just passing through. It’s kind of like a lay over when you when take a flight somewhere and have to layover somewhere on your way to your final destination. Heaven is my final destination, my permanent home. It’s my real home. I will go home to Jesus and join the love of my life, my wonderful husband, Chester and my son and daughter who are there and other loved ones for eternity. My kids who are still here on this earth will be a part of that reunion as well. What a day that will be!  I pray you all will join me. Believe on Jesus today because you don’t know what tomorrow might bring. There are no guarantees.

 

 

 

Why Does God Allow Pain and Suffering?

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I’ve been going through some excruciating pain and suffering ever since my beloved husband Chester has departed us over three months ago now.  Actually it really started when he had gotten sick, taking care of him and watching him go through his pain and discomfort, and suffering. That was painful.

The pain hasn’t gone away. Sometimes it’s as fresh as when it first happened. Just when you think the wound is starting to heal a bit and form a scab,it’s just as raw as before. I have learned that that everyone goes through some kind of pain and suffering in their lives. No one goes through life on this earth unscathed. It’s all how we respond to it that determines how we get through our suffering.

For the believer in Christ, we have a hope. He is our helper and will help us through those tough times if we trust Him. Better yet we have the ultimate hope of that we can look forward to when Jesus rescues us from this world into His presence where we will never experience any kind of pain and suffering again. That’s what I look forward to. A time when suffering and pain will be no more. Our suffering on this earth is temporary. It may hurt and hurt bad but in the end God works it our for the good. In the end it will be worth it.

Pain and suffering is not pretty. It’s tough,it’s hard, it hurts (most of the time real bad). It seems unjust and not fair but God is sovereign and allows bad things  happen to us refine us, to purify us, to test our faith, to prepare us for the next life. We don’t understand but He has a plan and we can be assured that He loves and will never leave us nor forsake us.

Hebrews 13:5 King James Version (KJV)

5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

It makes us more reliant on God. Sometimes it is overwhelming and it seems like we can’t handle it. We’re hanging on by a thread. We can’t handle it on our own, it’s only through Jesus that we can handle our pain and suffering. It’s with His help that He will get us through.  We have to take it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. We live in a flawed corrupted world and as long as we are on this earth and this earth stands we are going to go through tough times. That’s a fact. One thing to remember is that God does love us and we can trust Him no matter what.  He knows best. He sees the big picture. I still don’t fully understand, perhaps I never will but I do have that hope that in the next life there will be no more pain and suffering. The pain and suffering I’m going through now will be only for a season. When I am in the presence of my Lord and Savior, it will cease.

Job 13:15 King James Version (KJV)

15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.

 

2 Corinthians 12:9 King James Version (KJV)

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

What I Have Been Learning Going Through My Grief

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Since last November my life has changed forever. I no longer have the love of my life with me on this earth. I miss my Chester like crazy. Through my grieving I’ve been learning a few things.

  1. It hurts. It hurts like hell. I’ve never gone through anything like this before. When I lost my Mom, it was tough.  I lost two children I thought my life ended but losing your husband,the love of your life, your best friend, your lover, your soulmate that you spend a better part of 45 years is the hardest thing to go through. My heart is broken, it’s a black empty hole. a raw wound that won’t be completely healed until I am reunited with him again in heaven one day.
  2. It’s incredibly lonely without my Chester. We did so many things together. We had hardly spent anytime apart before. My heart pines and I weep a lot. I go to Jesus and He comforts me. Then I remember one day we will be spending eternity together. We will be able to do things together again, things we never even dreamed of on this earth and will never have to be apart.  We will laugh and have fun again.
  3. Life is fragile. Cherish every second you have with your loved ones because we are not promised tomorrow. You don’t know what you have til it’s gone.  Appreciate this time. You truly don’t know what tomorrow brings. My Mom used to say, live everyday as though it were your last. She was right.
  4. God loves me, takes care of me and comforts me. I have learned to lean on God every minute of everyday and night. I have called on Him even in the middle of the night when I wake up and am afraid. I’ve called on Him in the middle of the day.  I have grown a lot closer to the Lord. I spend a lot of time in His Word and praying. I feel His love surround me during those dark lonely nights. I know He’s right there with me. He has promised me that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
  5. Sometimes you feel like you just can’t go on any longer. It’s hard, incredibly hard and the pain does not go away. Sometimes that wound stills feels fresh and raw.You feel like you’re hanging on by a thread. Those are the times when I lean on God more than ever and even though the pain is still there He eases it.
  6. I have learned to hang on to the hope of being reunited with my beloved husband one day. He believed in Jesus Christ as his Savior and the only way to heaven. So I know that’s where he is and he is OK. As a believer I know I will be with him again with Jesus in eternity when Jesus calls me home or when Jesus comes back for all believers during the rapture. That’s one of the few things that keeps me going. I will see my soulmate again.
  7. Heaven where my beloved husband is residing now is a beautiful place where there is no pain, no sorrow, no sickness, no tears, and no more death. Our reunion is going to be wonderful. The love we had for each other here on this earth will be all the more enhanced. Our love will be deeper, more intense and more pure.  We will never have to say goodbye ever again. I have become more heavenly minded more focused on heaven.  This earth is not our permanent home. It’s just a stop over. I have learned my citizenship is of heaven not of earth. I am a believer in Jesus therefore I am like an alien waiting to go to my real home. I am no longer tied to this earth.
  8. Our lives are but a vapor here. The average life span on this earth is between 70 and 80 years old. My love was 73. When you consider our lives here compared to eternity which is forever 70 or 80 years is nothing. It’s hardly anytime at all. Our time on this earth is very short. In other words we need to make that time count. We shouldn’t be wasting our time on frivolous things. We shouldn’t be living our lives holding grudges and hating one another especially over petty things.We should be focused on things above not things below.  For the believer we need to be telling others about Jesus and what He has for in store for us and living our lives that are pleasing to the Lord.
  9. I have been humbled. I used to be a prideful person, A selfish, self-centered person. Everything was always about me, me, me and what I wanted. All I cared about was the things of this earth and what they could do for me  Not anymore. I am no longer tied to this earth. I focus now on Jesus and what He has in store for us to look forward to. I finally realized this.
  10. God is sovereign. When Chester had his stroke,and then when it was discovered it was the pancreatic cancer that caused the stroke, I prayed and believed he would be healed, come back home with us and we could resume our lives. I believed God would do that. I had unshakeable faith but it was not to be. God had a different plan. Instead He chose instead to call my love home to Him. All Chester wanted was to be freed of his pain and discomfort and the Lord had mercy freed him. It wasn’t the way I expected or what I wanted but I am starting to see now that God knows best. God allows certain things to happen that we don’t always understand or expect. My beloved husband is still very much alive and in the best place he could be. He is living in the perfect place. He doesn’t have to worry about this wretched world anymore.  I’ve learned to trust God no matter what.
  11. We all go through trials and tribulations. None of us are exempt in this world of going through tough times. We all go through them at some point in our lives. We all have this attitude,”it’ll never happen to me” until it does. It’s a real shock when it does. At that point we have to decide how we’re going to respond and how we get through. I have chosen to trust God right from the beginning of this trial because of His promise of hope. These words have given me comfort and given some strength when it’s been the darkest

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 King James Version (KJV)

17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

1 Thessalonians 4:17-18 King James Version (KJV)

17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

John 11:25-26 King James Version (KJV)

25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:

26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

Job 13:15 King James Version (KJV)

15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him:

I am sure the Lord has a lot more to teach me as I continue through my grieving journey.  Above all I have learned to trust God no matter what.

 

 

My Dear Husband’s First Birthday in Heaven

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Today would be my dear husband, Chester’s 74th birthday. It’s been rather difficult for me today. I would have made him a special supper, had a card and a gift for him but he’s celebrating his birthday in heaven for the first time. I can imagine it must be a wonderful celebration in heaven where everything is perfect and wonderful.

Of course his parents and his sister Barb would be there and our son and daughter would be there as well. I wouldn’t leave my mom out either. She became a mother to him when his own mom was still living in England.

I don’t know if they celebrate birthdays there like we do here you know with the cake and candles etc. but I’m sure it’s still a celebration, probably nothing like we have here but better. Good food, laughter, and a good time.  In heaven you don’t forget what went on on earth. I believe our minds are sharper. So I believe they remember birthdays.

Revelation 6:9-10 King James Version (KJV)

9 And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held:

10 And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?

 

1 Corinthians 13:12 King James Version (KJV)

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Usually we would have cake and candles. Good food, decorations, laughter, gifts, and a good time by all. This year is entirely different. Quiet, and empty. Remembering the good times as recent as a year ago. Man, I miss those good times. I miss him, the love of my life. All I have now is the memories, not just of his birthday but all those times we spent together – yes, the good, bad and the ugly.  Even the bad and the ugly seem sweet now, because we actually spent that time together. I would give anything just to spend five more minutes with my love but I can’t. I have to wait until God sees fit.

I pray for the time in the future when we are all together again to not just to spend birthdays but all kinds of celebrations. I believe heaven is like Christmas,birthdays and all those wonderful celebrations all wrapped up into one all the time.  Spending time in the presence of our Lord I think is the ultimate celebration.
I know  what the love of my life, Chester would like for his birthday this year. That is that everyone come and join him in that beautiful place one day. It’s very easy.  This is all you have to do.

Acts 16:31 King James Version (KJV)

31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

I’ll be there with bells on!

Happy Birthday My Love! I love you and miss you.

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All My Hope Is In God

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All my hope is in God is actually a motto from the Fraser clan, a clan originally from Scotland. Fraser my beloved husband’s last name and my married name. My wonderful husband, Chester saw this medal at a booth years ago by a British shop that was selling all kinds of items from Great Britain. He saw that medal and had to buy it because it represented his family ancestry. It made him quite proud that, that motto actually belongs to his family and represents who Chester had,still has his faith in. Hey I’m proud of that motto too.

That motto “All My Hope Is In God” is an awesome one because it’s true.  I don’t know how the Fraser clan came up with it. But why not?  It’s been their motto for hundreds of years. Chester loved it and so do I. It spoke to both of us and reminds us of where even our very lives come from. We depend on Him for everything.  All our hope should be in God for without Him we are nothing. Without Him we are doomed. But because of who He is we have hope if only we accept it. He gives life and He can take it away if He chooses. But He cares about us so much He wants us to accept what He has for us. Because it’s not all bad. He promises us that if we accept Him, He will make sure we will have life everlasting. He will help get us through the rocky times on this earth.

John 3:16 King James Version (KJV)

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

He has provided a better place for us after we are done on this earth. A place much better. Our lives on this earth is a very short time, but a vapor. Earth is only a stop over. Earth is not our permanent home. For those of us who believe, He has prepared for us a glorious home that is permanent.

John 14 King James Version (KJV)

14 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

2 In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

5 Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

All my hope is and always will be in God  especially right now with what I’ve been going through. He is the one who is sustaining me right now. I have that hope that God has promised me of reuniting with my beloved Chester one day, hopefully soon. I have a hope of living with my Lord and Savior in eternity. I have a hope of seeing all my loved ones in heaven. I have that hope of that beautiful mansion that is being prepared for me. I have that hope of hanging out with some of those Bible patriarchs and chatting with them.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 King James Version (KJV)

13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.

15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.

16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

I think there is a lot of great things to hope for when we look to God. He didn’t promise that life on this earth would be rainbows and lollypops because this world is fallen because of Adam and Eve’s disobedience to God but because of Jesus, He promises a wonderful life to come.

Romans 5:19 King James Version (KJV)

19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

I’m certain the Fraser clan made the perfect choice for a motto that I’m sure most of them lived by.  It’s a motto we should all live by. ALL MY HOPE IS IN GOD

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Hurts So Bad

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Today is the first Valentines Day without the love of my life. Chester every year would always give me in a nice gift bag chocolates, potted mini roses and a most of the time a romantic card, sometimes a humorous one that I absolutely loved and adored. He would most times get a Tim’s drink and he would get one too because it was usually “roll up the rim” time and we would have drinks and a really nice talk. I would try and make him a nice meal for supper. It was a very special day. We loved, still love each other very much.

It’s a very hard day today.  I greatly miss all of that. It’s a very empty, hollow day. A dark day. I miss his very presence. He made me feel safe,secure and warm. I feel insecure, unsafe and cold without him.

Sweethearts that’s who we were on this earth and I believe we will be in heaven as well. We may have argued and fought once in awhile. We may have let each other down once in awhile, but we were and are close, our love was and is always there. It has never waned or died even through the hard times.  I still love my Chester and always will and I know he still loves me and always will. Our love is forever.

My husband will and always be my one true love. No other man will ever do. No one can ever compare to  him. I am blessed to have had him as my friend, my lover, confidant, my soulmate, my husband on this earth.  We are and always will be sweethearts forever.

It was God who drew and put us together. We are soulmates, we are spiritually tied together. We are separated right now and it hurts so bad. This separation will always hurt until the Lord takes me home and we are reunited again and forever live with Him in Glory.

Our love will continue into the next world for eternity. It will never stop.  It will be a better relationship. It will be closer, purer, completely selfless and unconditional. It will be perfect because it will be in the presence of our Holy God, our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ who is perfect. Everything in heaven is perfect. There are no flaws, no mistakes, no hate, no bitterness, no heartache or sorrow. There is no disappointments, no sadness and no tears except for tears of joy and happiness. I can’t wait to be there. My Lord and Savior has promised me that He will one day take me home to live with Him there.  It’s the only thing that keeps me going. I rely and stand on that promise because I know He will fulfill that promise and I hope it will be one day soon.

Everyday in heaven will be like Valentines Day, Christmas, and birthdays all wrapped into one.  Just the love from the Father and the Son Jesus Christ alone will overwhelm. That’s not at all taking into account the love from my husband and my family and others. I will certainly return that love back. Heaven from what I’ve heard is a place full of love and peace.  No condemnation. A wonderful place.

I am depending on Jesus every minute today and everyday especially on a day like today, Valentine’s Day. He has promised me He will never leave me nor forsake me. Because I know Jesus loves me unconditionally no matter what. His Father loves me so much that He sent His Son Jesus to this earth to die and arise again for my sins so that I can have eternal life and live with Him forever in heaven instead of spending eternity in hell a place where I really deserve to go. It’s because of His love and forgiveness I have that hope. My Chester took advantage of that love and hope. That’s why he is safe with Jesus right now. Jesus loved him so much he rescued the love of my life from that hassle of sickness and disease and is free now.  I love Jesus for that and thank Him that for the freedom that He granted my love. That’s the solace that I have.

Yes I am full of pain and sorrow right now. It hurts and it hurts bad but that love my wonderful husband and I shared here will carry on one day and be better than ever before. It will be Valentines all the time.  I look forward to it.

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Romans 5:8 King James Version (KJV)

8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

 

 

 

 

Is My Husband Fading From Others Memories?

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Not quite 3 months since the love of my life has been gone and it seems like he’s slowly being erased from existence. It’s bad enough, the banks are slowly erasing his name from accounts. The government is slowly erasing his name from the records. No one talks about him anymore unless I mention his name.

As much as I love my kids,they don’t even mention their Dad’s name unless I do first. Chester is their dad and I know they love and miss him but I wish they would want to talk about him. The memories growing up with their father.  Yes I know they are hurting too but it hurts me more when I want to talk about him and no one seems really interested much about me wanting to talk about him.

I love and miss my Chester so much I do want to talk about him, keep alive and prevent him from being completely forgotten about. I was very close to him and I still do feel close to him. The last three weeks of his life on this earth I was with him almost every minute day and night. I didn’t want to be anywhere else. Now it seems like I’m left alone with my thoughts, my memories, and my tears.

Sometimes I just want God to call me home so that I can join my Chester. I miss him so much.  He knows how lonely and empty I am. He must have a reason. All I think about is going to my heavenly home. Each day I wake up and think it’s one day closer til I can be with my love again.

This earth doesn’t offer much for me without my Chester. I am no longer interested in things of this world. Everything in this world seems evil and corrupt. And it seems it’s getting worse every day.  The only thing I have to hang on to is the hope of joining him.

It may seem sometimes as if I am starting to heal but then that wound reappears again and it’s as fresh and raw as it was in the beginning. My heart is still broken with that dark black gaping hole in the middle.  I don’t know if I’ll ever heal to tell you the truth. Not on this earth I know that much.

The only one I can rely on right now is God and He’s the one who has allowed this to happen. He is sovereign.  I don’t yet know why but I know He’s in control and He has a plan. I have to trust that plan whatever it may be even if I don’t understand. I don’t understand. The only thing I know is that my Chester is safe with Him and is keeping him til one day whether it been sooner or later we will be reunited.

I know our time here is very short but still one day seems like an awfully long time. I don’t know maybe I’m impatient. Patience has never been one of my virtues. I really look forward to that day. It can’t be soon enough as far as I’m concerned.

My loving husband was a good man. He cared about his fellow human beings. He hated watching what the world was coming to. All the evil, corruption and violence. It made him sick. He was a good husband,father and grandfather, a good worker and a good friend. I’m afraid if he hasn’t already he’ll be forgotten about. I don’t want to see that happen.

When You Love Someone

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When you love someone as long and as deeply as I love my Chester, it’s incredibly hard when you have to say goodbye. We had been together for the better part of 45 years. That’s a long time by today’s standards. I have known him since I was 16 when my brother introduced us to each other and you could say the rest is history.

The first time we met I thought oh, he’s just another guy. Guys come and go never thought anything would ever come of it.  But there was something about Chester. I couldn’t get him out of my head. I did think it was cool he was from England and all but it was more than that. And from his end he told me later on he thought I was cute. He wanted to take me out.

We started off by just hanging out as friends getting to know each other. I always had this thing about taking things slow with a guy. I never wanted to move to fast with any guy. So we took our time. The more time we spent together the more of a connection we made. We were of like minded on so many issues not everything but many. It wouldn’t be normal if we agreed on everything all the time.

It really didn’t take that long before we found we were soulmates. We fell in love. There was a spiritual connection.  Chester was always a gentleman, never crossing boundaries. In fact the first time we kissed, he asked me if was OK. He said later, “Your lips looked like they needed kissing”

We fell in love and we both fell hard and deep. He spent a lot of time with my family and he noticed how much I loved them. One evening after we had spent the day with my family he told me when I love I love deep. That’s true. It goes for him too. By that time we had fallen so deeply for each other we couldn’t see living the rest of our lives without one another.

Our connection was so intense that there were times we didn’t even have to talk. We would just gaze into each other’s eyes and we knew what each other was saying.When I lost my mother he was right there to comfort me. He never had to say a word, he just held me tightly in his arms. He loved her too. She became a second mother to him. His mother was still in England so my mom mothered him.

Even though we were intensely close, it wasn’t always bliss. Like every other normal couple we had our times after we got married. Our ups and downs. Our marriage was kind of rocky after we lost our 7 year old son in 1993 from complications from heart surgery. We both grieved in differently. He would shut himself off and I wanted to vent so then I would retreat and shut myself off.  A mother grieves differently than a father does.  That lasted a couple years then we came back together again. We still loved each other through that tough period. Even since then it always hasn’t been perfect but our love never failed.

We did so many things together. We gardened together, went places, we shopped together, sometimes I helped him work on his vehicles. We spent so much time together. I always felt so safe and secure when he was around.

When you love someone so deeply like that and you lose them it’s like losing a part of you like losing your right arm. It leaves a big black empty hole that no one can fill. The pain is excruciating,and you don’t know if you can even go on.

There will never be anyone else like him. We are one flesh.  No one else will ever take his place as long as I’m walking this earth. He is my best friend, my lover, soulmate, the love of my life. We are spiritually connected and always will be.  I’m looking forward to the day when we are reunited. When we embrace each other and gaze into each other’s eyes, I know I am home, safe and where I should be. We will never again have to say goodbye.  Neither one of us will ever get sick,old, or sad. We will do and experience so many more things together and spend all the time we want, it’ll be forever. Our relationship I believe will be even stronger and best of all it’ll be total bliss in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

God Really Loves Us

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God’s love is real. It is deep. Before all this happened losing first my mother, then my infant daughter, my son, and most recently my husband, I was a Christian and loved the Lord and I knew He loved me. But it took the death of my beloved husband Chester, the love of my life,my soulmate, my partner that I really realized the true love of God. I knew God loved me but I had never felt it like I do now.

I think when you have spouse who you shared years of intimacy with,who you shared your hopes and dreams with. Someone whose shoulder was there to cry on when something went wrong.  Someone you felt free to vent your frustrations with, the person who you are most close to and feel safe with, you know each other so well, you know what each other’a thoughts. When that love of your life is called home to be with the Lord, you feel like part of you is gone, your feel lost and empty.  There’s a big gaping dark hole and nothing there to fill it. You feel nobody understands or cares. You don’t where to turn, so you turn to God. I knew that from being taught that as a child because He is my only hope.

God was and still is and always will be right there for me. I turned to Him when I lost my other family members, he got me through but it wasn’t until now I have really felt His true love for me.  He has shown me His love everyday and every night since.

Sometimes especially in the middle of the night I feel His arms around me to comfort me and makes me feel safe.  He assures me everything will be alright and I will get through this tough time. He reminds me of that hope and promise that He has so mercifully and graciously provided of being reunited with my husband and my other family members one day in heaven.

I feel His love surround me when I read His word, when I pray, when I listen to a teacher teaching the authentic Word of God.  My sons took me to church last Sunday and it was there I  truly felt safe and felt the love of God and His presence  while I was there.  So I know God is there for me all the time for me all I have to do is open myself up and let Him show His love towards me. I am open for whatever God wants for me. I am all His because no matter what I know He will never leave nor forsake me.

He loves my Chester so much He rescued Chester from months of pain and agony and frustration and took him to a place where there is no pain, no agony, and no frustration. A place where there is rest and peace.  A place where the love of God permeates the whole  atmosphere. A place where my husband is safe, happy, and waiting  til it’s time for me to join him.

God’s love is pure,it’s unconditional, it’s real, and it’s enduring. I can’t wait to experience that true love of God when I meet Him face to face when I get to heaven.  I can only imagine how glorious it’s going to be.

John 3:16 King James Version (KJV)

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Romans 8:38-39 King James Version (KJV)

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 John 4:9 King James Version (KJV)

9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

1 John 4:16 King James Version (KJV)

16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

1 John 4:18 King James Version (KJV)

18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

 

 

 

Sovereignty of God

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When my Chester suffered his stroke I believed God would completely heal him and we would go home and get on with our life. I had steadfast faith and prayed for that to happen. Many people in fact prayed for complete healing for him but it didn’t happen. He went home to be with Jesus.

I have believed for many years that we serve a God who performs miracles and as far as I know is still in that business so why didn’t He heal my husband?  I’ve spent many hours searching and asking God why. Why was he even afflicted? A previously strong healthy man. I don’t why God allowed that to happen in the first place.

Did I not have enough faith? I wasn’t the only one praying for healing many others were too.

Did he not get healed because of sin with either Chester or me? In the Bible Jesus came across a man who was blind from birth and his disciples asked him who sinned?  And Jesus told him it was not because of sin he was born blind.

John 9 King James Version (KJV)

9 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

So why? I was reading in the book of Job where Job lost everything. His wealth, his servants, his ten grown children died and top that all off he got painful boils all over his body from his head to his feet. Job suffered without a cause.

Job 2:3 King James Version (KJV)

3 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause.

Job 9:17 King James Version (KJV)

17 For he breaketh me with a tempest, and multiplieth my my wounds without cause.

Sometimes God allows certain trials to shape and to mold us. He has a plan He’s in control and sees the bigger picture. He is sovereign,we are not. Sometimes we just want our own will instead of His. His ways are always better than our ways. We have to submit to His will. Jesus had to in the garden of Gethsemane when He was praying to the Father just before he was taken to be crucified to pay the price for our sins.

Luke 22:42 King James Version (KJV)

42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

Sometimes God does answer our prayers but not in the way we expect. Like I said I believed God would perform a miracle heal Chester and we would resume our normal life but actually God did heal him just not on this earth. But God did perform a miracle. Chester did get healed when he went to be with Jesus in heaven where there is no sickness or disease at all.

Revelation 21:4 King James Version (KJV)

4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Here on earth we all have corruptible mortal bodies. At the resurrection all believers get incorruptible immortal bodies. We get bodies just like Jesus when he was resurrected on the third day.

1 Corinthians 15 King James Version (KJV)

51 Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,

52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.

54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.

55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

The way Chester got healed was not the way I was expecting but really if you think about it, it’s much better. He’s healed and won’t get sick ever again not even a cold or a headache again. Yeah he’s not with me or the rest of our family but he’s with our other kids that haven’t seen their dad in years. Yeah I’m lonely and empty inside without him but the hope and the thought of being together with again someday gives me the strength to go on.

I know there were lives touched by Chester while he was still here on this earth.  I know I wasn’t quite as close to God before as I am now. I know God is a loving merciful gracious God and I am more heavenly minded and want souls to be saved from hell and go to heaven now. I have to trust God knows what He’s doing and submit to His will.