My Country Boy,

It’s been one year now my love, since you’ve moved on to heaven to be with the Lord. I’m sure you’re having a great time reunited with Josh, Kaitlin, your sister Barbara, your parents, my Mom, and of course (just about a month ago) Dad. I bet you and he are catching up and reminiscing about the good ole days when you two would talk about almost everything like vehicles, politics, and religion.  I remember how you used to worry about him in that nursing home. I did too. That’s one thing I always loved about you, you cared about him and Mom too. They both thought the world of you, that’s one of many reasons I knew you were the guy for me.  I miss the two men in my life who provided me with stability and security.

I still love you so much and miss you like crazy. This past year has been like a hell on earth for me without you. There are times I keep reliving those last few weeks over and over again. The pain is still raw and fresh but at the same time I’m glad you’re freed now of that pain and suffering. I hated watching you go through all that (as you would say )”hassle”.  Actually it was killing me inside. At least now you’re will never have to go through anything like that again for all eternity.

I miss your smile, your warmth, your dry sense of humour, your voice – and my goodness do I ever miss that warm touch when you hold me in your arms.  I miss our chats, especially our Saturday morning coffee chats, when we would drink our morning coffee together and just chat about almost everything frankly. I especially miss those times when the weather was nice enough to sit out on the porch and spend our quality time together flipping through flyers to see what the good deals were.  I miss going places with you, to the classic car shows, to Spock Days out at Vulcan, and the Home and Garden shows.  I miss going to the theatre to watch movies. I hate going out in public. I can’t do those things anymore, not without you. I loved watching TV with you, now I don’t enjoy it at all.  You would often listen to my country music with me that I loved. You enjoyed some of it, I could tell. I don’t listen to it much anymore. I don’t care if I listen or not. It’s not the same.

Shopping is a lonely arduous task to me now.  I do it because I have to not because I enjoy it because I don’t anymore. I loved going to the stores with you even it was just to browse. I just loved being with you no matter where we went or what we did.

I miss your very presence. Family get togethers are not the same anymore especially when it’s someone’s birthday or holidays like Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. It’s so obvious there’s an empty chair that leaves me feeling empty, lonely and full of pain. You were full of witty words and laughter, without that, the silence is deafening. The whole family notices, even the grand kids.

I’m still not finished finished all the paper work yet. I can only do bits and pieces at a time. I hate it!  It’s too overwhelming, it always triggers me. That’s one thing I’ll be glad when it’s all done.

That moment when the Lord took you home, my heart broke. I thought we had many more years together. That moment our retirement plans were shattered. My life was shattered. Suddenly the love of my life was not with me here on this earth anymore. I was left with a big gaping open wound that won’t completely heal. I don’t think it will completely heal until I see you again, my love. Only when Jesus takes me home will that happen. Our kids try and do their best but they can only do so much. They’re still hurting too. It’s been hard.

I’ve stayed close to Jesus this past year and will continue to do so.God has been faithful in comforting me. He’s given me a few dreams that has given me some reassurance and has promised me that He will restore everything that I have lost. I continually cling to that and to Him of course. He’s my only solace. I read the word and pray everyday. By the way, I pray everyday that the crew at Triple M Housing, your second family that all will be saved and join you one day in eternity. I know you want that very much and I do too. I believe at least some will be there with you .

My mind is often now on heaven and what it’s like for you and what it’s going to be like when we are reunited again. Just think you, me, and all our family finally together. I think about that a lot. I think about what it’s like in the presence of Jesus. I know it’s going to be better that what I can even imagine.  You are now a full fledged citizen of heaven.  I know right now I’m a citizen of heaven while still on this earth, but one day I will be just like you. I can’t wait.

The one thing that comforts me is knowing that you are safe and secure with Jesus and that you’re freed from all that pain suffering.  You don’t have to deal with the cares and problems of this world anymore. I bet you’re happy that you’re back to your youthful self again. That’s one problem of this fallen world we all have to deal with – aging. I don’t why anyone would want to turn down a free gift of becoming young again and living the good life forever in the most beautiful place ever. It’s beyond me. Something to hope for.  I have to reminding myself that as a believer that I have that hope that non-believers don’t have.

You will always be the love of my life, my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my companion. No one else will ever replace you. You’re a great husband, father, grandfather, brother,and son. I can’t wait to see your face, hear your voice, feel your embrace and laugh at your humour again.  I love you so much and always will.

Your Vulcan farmgirl