
Not quite 3 months since the love of my life has been gone and it seems like he’s slowly being erased from existence. It’s bad enough, the banks are slowly erasing his name from accounts. The government is slowly erasing his name from the records. No one talks about him anymore unless I mention his name.
As much as I love my kids,they don’t even mention their Dad’s name unless I do first. Chester is their dad and I know they love and miss him but I wish they would want to talk about him. The memories growing up with their father. Yes I know they are hurting too but it hurts me more when I want to talk about him and no one seems really interested much about me wanting to talk about him.
I love and miss my Chester so much I do want to talk about him, keep alive and prevent him from being completely forgotten about. I was very close to him and I still do feel close to him. The last three weeks of his life on this earth I was with him almost every minute day and night. I didn’t want to be anywhere else. Now it seems like I’m left alone with my thoughts, my memories, and my tears.
Sometimes I just want God to call me home so that I can join my Chester. I miss him so much. He knows how lonely and empty I am. He must have a reason. All I think about is going to my heavenly home. Each day I wake up and think it’s one day closer til I can be with my love again.
This earth doesn’t offer much for me without my Chester. I am no longer interested in things of this world. Everything in this world seems evil and corrupt. And it seems it’s getting worse every day. The only thing I have to hang on to is the hope of joining him.
It may seem sometimes as if I am starting to heal but then that wound reappears again and it’s as fresh and raw as it was in the beginning. My heart is still broken with that dark black gaping hole in the middle. I don’t know if I’ll ever heal to tell you the truth. Not on this earth I know that much.
The only one I can rely on right now is God and He’s the one who has allowed this to happen. He is sovereign. I don’t yet know why but I know He’s in control and He has a plan. I have to trust that plan whatever it may be even if I don’t understand. I don’t understand. The only thing I know is that my Chester is safe with Him and is keeping him til one day whether it been sooner or later we will be reunited.
I know our time here is very short but still one day seems like an awfully long time. I don’t know maybe I’m impatient. Patience has never been one of my virtues. I really look forward to that day. It can’t be soon enough as far as I’m concerned.
My loving husband was a good man. He cared about his fellow human beings. He hated watching what the world was coming to. All the evil, corruption and violence. It made him sick. He was a good husband,father and grandfather, a good worker and a good friend. I’m afraid if he hasn’t already he’ll be forgotten about. I don’t want to see that happen.





